“So apparently ‘piss’ is not an acceptable Scrabble GO word. How can you be 50-0?”
“This week I am ranking all 22 Pixar movies—all I have left to watch is The Good Dinosaur. Can we re-watch Wall-E on Friday for our movie night? I need to revisit that one to get my rankings right. I don’t know if it will beat Coco or Toy Story 2.”
“You are the first spouse to photobomb one of our meetings—can’t you just use the other bathroom?”
“Thank me for this later. . . then tell your dad. ‘Where did Arnold Schwarzenegger find toilet paper? Aisle B. Back.’ You’re welcome.”
“We just have to ride our bikes up to the cones in front of the restaurant and they bring the food out to us? This is the best! I hope they keep doing this after everything opens again!”
“Papa, your camera is still pointed at the ceiling fan—all we can see is your left shoulder. You don’t need to hold the phone to your ear every time you need to talk.”
“You should show outtakes from your Othello videos for class at virtual happy hour tomorrow.”
“Yes, I agree it would be funny, but I don’t think we should record your video jazz band audition with me playing off camera and you just moving your fingers.”
“Am I the only one that thinks we should finish one bike before we bring another one into the living room?”
“Yes, you have to wait to use your power-up in co-op—we’re on the same team!”
“All I could see when I first logged in to your virtual office hours was the back of your head and the kitchen—what’s for dinner?”
“I already finished my math and social studies homework and I didn’t get out of bed once!”
“Dad, I really don’t want to do virtual piano lessons! Can’t you and I just work on a larger piece together and then start lessons when school reopens? . . . . That lesson was awesome—do we have to do regular lessons once school starts back?”
“You can ride around the block with your friends, as long as you stay on opposite sides of the street at all times.”
“Now that school is online, I can just be a virtual vegetarian for my project. All I have to avoid is cyber-meat, so pass the bacon.”
“Hi! It’s your favorite hairstylist! You might have some crazy hair by the end of the month, but that is hopefully when we will get to reopen. Do you want to schedule a day for the end of May? I hope you and your family are healthy and safe!”
Paul Reid teaches writing at Chippewa Valley Technical College and has now added his own children to his class roster.